On ward movement

While I am having a big case of writers block for my English essay (due tomorrow morning at 8am!!) I figured I'll get some things off my chest.
First off, I have once again started Turbo Fire. But this time I am hell bent on finishing it. No I am not giving myself the finger of shame for stopping or taking a break. I am embracing it and moving on...

On ward movement!

Secondly, I had an epiphany (cue in the singing heavenly choir of angels). When I became pregnant with Patrick (August/September of 2009) I was about 175-180 lbs. Today I weigh about 188!!! I am so close to being done with the "baby weight". So, my dieting and exercise is now in full swing.
I am so determined to break that number by the time I go to NYC with Patrick for Christmas!!!

Fellow NYers, I promise you will see me at my lowest weight in 3 years!

So basically I restarted Turbo Fire on Monday. So after I complete my workout today I have finished week 1!!! Yay!!! I'll weigh myself on Tuesday because I need to get a new scale. For some odd reason my scale doesn't turn on all the time. So either its been dropped to many times by Patrick playing with it or my battery is dead. I'm not sure... Either way I've been good with not living my life on the scale this week.

Living my life on the scale is probably the hardest thing to break for me. If I could I would weigh myself all day every day. And thats not healthy. Naturally your body will fluctuate throughout the day from water and food intake. So you could be drinking enough water to prepare yourself for a drought but that will cause the numbers on the scale to rise. But you think, something is wrong? All I've had was water... Thus it is not good to live your life by the scale.

Maybe designating a weekly weigh in day will help me with that. I know that sometimes when I feel like I have eaten a lot the next day I step up on the scale to see how much "damage" I have done. Thus creating the cycle of the scale life.

Last night was particularly hard for me. I had a shake for breakfast (10am), pasta for lunch (I know!!! I'm horrible) (2pm), and for dinner we ended up going to this thing called Grills Gone Wild where a bunch of places had their best grilled food for people to sample. I think we went to 4-5 different booths for bite sized portion samples. With the news of there being no more twinkies, all I have wanted was to have some... Last night in particular. It took every ounce of will power to not run to the store and find some. That, and ice cream... I could have eaten the carton that is in my freezer single handedly.
But I didn't!!!
Instead I did my Turbo Fire workout (Fire 30 and Stretch 10), and drank about 3 bottles of water. After that I actually felt a bit better. The desire to eat what I know I didn't need, and was only for pure satisfaction went away.

Which made me realize...
Holy Cow! I am actually in control of my body!!! For once in my life I feel like I have a grasp and not let it run with the wind and give in to its every beaconing call. That power that I felt when I went to be last night was something completely different. For once I was able to ignore a craving and not act on it and not feel guilty about it!!!

So, I hope that all of you who are going through the same struggle as I am can feel empowered to tell that little voice in your head that you don't need to eat XYZ. You are perfectly fine without it, and kick that craving to the curb!

Still figuring out the math on why I seem to run to the bathroom twice the amount of bottles of water I drink....

<3 Jess <3