If life were easy, it wouldn't be such a bitch

Baby got a ball cap on

Sure knows how to pull it off 

Sun out of them hazel eyes 

Looking so good but she don't try

Actin' like its no big deal

Smilin' underneath that bill

Looking so right its wrong

baby got a ball cap on....

"Ball Cap" by Glen Templeton

If you know me, and you probably do, you'll know my life secret. If not, you're about to find out. 

I always workout with a ball cap on. And it always has to be the same one... My pink USCG hat. I cannot workout without it. But, with working out you sweat (I mean thats how you burn calories, and gain muscle, right??), and my beloved hat was well... sweatstained. 

EWWWWWWW

I know. I know. I couldn't put it in the washing machine because I've been told it ruins the hat. I did however put it in the dishwasher.... 

Don't judge me.

It worked, and it worked like a charm! My beloved hat, my favorite hat, my ponytail hat was CLEAN!!!!! 

So what did I do next?? 

Oh I went to workout and get it sweaty again. Duh!

I'll honestly say I have the best thoughts when I'm running on the treadmill. I mean staring at the same aerosol can across the room just does wonders for entertaining me. -____- 

While I run, and blast my music so that I can't hear my brother coming down the stairs and then startling me, causing me to almost qualify for Americas Funniest Home Videos (if someone were to video tape me), I think. 

I should send out a warning, I mean y'all might get worried from the billowing smoke coming from my house in Queens thinking that it was on fire with all the thoughts that I think of. 

But have no fear. For Jess like Yess is here! 

**cue superhero theme song**

What do I think of when I run? Oh wouldn't you like to know ;) 

Actually I think of a lot of things. Like my future, my present, and sometimes I wonder about how I could have done things differently in the past. 

I'm never one to say that I regret the things that I have done because quite frankly, they have made me who I am today. But I still wonder about the choices that I have made. What if I did go with my gut feeling? 

I know of one instance in particular that I wonder about a lot. And I know that if I didn't do what I did, oh man would my life be completely different!! I'm not sure where I would be today from that choice, but I often wonder about it...

My future is sometimes hard to picture. There are so many different variables that cause them to be different. I feel sometimes that its more like "day dreaming". I mean its quite nice to get away from reality for a bit, but lately I feel like theres more that I need to worry about with the present than the future. 

Like right now I feel like my whole world has been ripped apart. In my previous post I mentioned about how I feel like I have been let down on multiple home-fronts. And it can be rightfully justified too. I feel like I have been attacked by the North, East and West. I'm petrified to think that the South is coming to attack too. 

I know that being "let down" is a part of life. Life sucks, I've learned that from an early age. But I was raised to believe that people who "care" about you will always be there for you, so you should treat people with kindness and respect. So as much as I hate people (and I do, y'all annoy the shit out of me), I always respect others and treat them with kindness. I won't bullshit someone, I won't lie to you, I won't go behind your back and do something to hurt you. I was never raised like that. I was raised to love. 

I have a big heart and it ALWAYS gets hurt it seems. It's been abused, neglected, manipulated, insulted, tricked, I mean the list can go on and on.... But I still choose love. Maybe I really am dumb to still believe that there is good out there in this world when shit keeps getting thrown at me and piled onto my small plate. But maybe I've been looking for love, and friendship in all the wrong places. 

I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places

Lookin' for love in too many faces

Searchin' their eyes, lookin' for traces 

Of what I'm dreamin' of

Hopin' to find a friend and a lover

I'll bless the day I discover,

Another heart - lookin' for love

"Looking for Love" by Johnny Lee

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm happy knowing that I have myself to count on. After the past relationship that I came out of, the last thing that I ever want to do is jump into anything. But I dream of life being like a fairytale, and I do dream of Prince Charming.... wherever he is. 

HA! Knowing my luck, I'm going to be the one who has to rescue him!
Go figure!  -___-

I'm convinced that people need to be like books. You know how books will have a description of them on the jacket? People need that! This way we can tell who we should spend time with, and who to avoid like the plague! There should also be a return policy if we don't like the twist in plot. 

Which has me wondering, who would return me? 

Would I even return me?

Heck! I know I'm annoying! I've been told that I'm too happy of a person and that people don't like me because of it.

I'm sorry?? 

No! #sorryimnotsorry  :D 

How can people not like people because they are too happy. Its like saying I don't like puppies or kitties because they are too cute. 

All I know is that I'm debating on writing up a questionnaire, application for people I meet. If they don't pass my standards I don't think I should befriend them. 

Oh if only life were that easy! 

♥Jess ♥