I feel like I'm on the 3 steps back right now.
I've been trying really hard to eat right, and exercise. I'm not sure if I'm losing any weight. I'll check probably next week. But with working out, I have messed up my knee (BIG TIME). I've been in pain all weekend when I walk.
I know that it's always a case where I need to lose weight so I won't hurt my knees anymore, but I have to exercise to lose weight. So, no matter what I will have knee pain.
It sucks.
But hey, what can you do? You just have to learn how to play the hand of cards that life has dealt you.
Lately I feel like I keep getting the shitty deal of things. And lately I'm realizing that in all actuality, it's nothing personal.
Everyone in life goes through ups, and downs. And it's always easy to be fixated on the things that don't make our lives run smoothly. I know I tend to get in the "woe is me" mode from time to time. But I've realized, that I shouldn't. I really am blessed with everything. Even the downs, because it is teaching me strength.
What they say is true, you never know how strong you are until strong is your only option.
The first time that PAC left for FL to visit his dad I only cried when he left that morning, and when I picked him up. Yes I did get teary-eyed a few times in between, but I'm talking about a full on bawl fest where I can't see and my eyes are puffy afterwards. This time I feel was different. It was a different kind of pain of him leaving. But all I know is that I still have 5 days till I have my heart back where he belongs, with my heart. And soon, I'll be counting down the hours!
I just started watching the tv show Lost. Now, I'm only up to maybe episode 4 (I think), so I'm horrible with names. But I believe the character Charlie, has a tattoo on his shoulder that reads:
"Living is easy with eyes closed."
Now take a minute, and chew that in your head.
To me, it means that it's easy to live your life with blinders on, without letting people in. It's easy to go about life just focusing on you, and your "problems" never worrying about anyone but yourself.
But allowing people into your life, is what makes life so fun. Living with blinders on (or your eyes closed) has you living in black and white. But living with your eyes open, you see color, and that color enhances every aspect of your life from hereon out.
Keeping your eyes open allows you to see all the different hues that life has to offer. It will forever make an impact on you and change your every existence. It allows your life to be full, and rich.
People are the colors that life has to offer. And quite frankly, I can't imagine my life without color. I love it, it has shaped who I am, and it in return has given me color. I am grateful for the opportunities that life has allowed me to visualize these hues.
It won't be easy, and it will be overwhelming, but I will choose to live with my eyes open. For anything worth doing right is never easy. Anything that is of substance doesn't come easy. To be given the gift to experience the life I have been given, I want to relish and absorb all that it has to offer.
You'll never learn new things until you try them, and you'll find out how strong you are until you have to learn to be. It's true when they say that you never stop learning things. You'll always have to encounter new experiences, and you'll always face new obstacles. I guess its a good thing that I always liked school, and that I love to learn.
I'm soaking up life, like a sponge.
♥Jess ♥
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